Woke up sick and sneezing. No energy, no motivation. Felt like I got everything out yesterday: enough of an effort with the writing for class, with the job interview, meeting up with D–, etc that I am excused in a break. A job interview justifies my break in looking for a job; the writing justifies my break from writing; being sick justifies not going to the gym.
Nothing is an excuse for not writing. If I lost it, I would evaporate.
V– compared me to the Seducer in Kierkegaard’s Diary of a Seducer.
From: V–
Sent: Mon, 16 Oct 2023 at 19:20
(no subject)
Another concern, sometimes I have the impression you want to develop a science of women. Experiments, technical skills. I used to be worried that the correspondance was just a technical exercise where you got to explore your writing skills finalized to your personal project. Are you experimenting with me a method, a technique, a skill that you plan to replicate and apply elsewhere, in the context of the science you are developing? Should I take the hint that you plan to treat me as an experiment? Notice that’s the very exploitative logic of your enemy.
The possibility of naive love is over: that’s what I lost with R–. I peaked, and it’s all downhill from here.
What else? Not much, dear diary. I need to get my nutrients in.
- garlic
- parsley
- celery
- thyme
- milk
- coconut water
- green tea