Unbelievably depressed this morning. I should go back on welfare. I will never have a woman again. I am nothing but failure; a being constituted entirely by failure and rejection who will never amount to anything else. I give up. It’s hopeless. I give up. Fail, constant failure without end. Rejection without end; rejection compounds rejection. An inescapable loop that I will be stuck in forever. Nothing will get better, everything will only get worse. No prospects other than this diary, which I would set on fire if only I had the motivation. I am alone and I will always be alone with nothing but my failures to keep me company, and maybe the brief warmth of this diary, if I ever get around to setting it on fire. Nothing to look forward to. I feel bad that my cat and my roommates have to suffer my presence. I would never dare, I would never presume to inflict my presence on an intimate relation.
Everyone has the advantage, and I have the disadvantage. Top of the pyramid, yet I still have managed to squander my privilege. I even failed at being bad.